Pure Ephraimite, AmIRight?

Brigham Young famously described Joseph Smith as "a pure Ephraimite." Likewise it is emphasized in the Book of Mormon itself that Joseph Smith is from Joseph of old (coming through Ephraim, as must needs be every president of the Church). This is a critical piece to the Ezekiel 37 prophecy, which describes a stick of Judah (Bible) and stick of Ephraim (Book of Mormon) coming together as scripture. 

There's just one problem. 

Joseph Smith Jr. was most likely not Jewish. Instead he was assuredly Irish. Northwest Irish to be exact.

But that's okay, because Ephraim wasn't always considered Jewish either. He was born of an Egyptian mother (Asenath) and he, along with his brother, Manasseh, had to be adopted into the 12 Tribes by their grandfather, Israel. His life among the patriarchs would be marked by excellence, as well as intense jealousy towards his uncle, Judah. 

To me, it would be poetic if God chose a gentile like Joseph Smith to restore a church for the ultimate gathering of Israel as a modern Ephraim, by blessing (not breeding) him into the fold of the chosen people he had long envied and tried to imitate. --Even through seer stones.

Let's talk about 3 different types of seer stones. Because this is not just about interesting genealogy (or lack thereof). I want to get to claims of power, authority, seership, and presidency today, and with bloodline out of the picture that leaves us looking elsewhere. 

David A. Baird/
Historical Arts and Castings

The first type of seer stone is the spectacle-like device attached to the gold plates. This was meant to help Joseph Smith visualize and interpret the words engraved upon them by ancient hands. Because these spectacles are attached to a breastplate like temple priests of old, they are later referred to as an urim and thummim.  Traditionally, the urim and thummim would help priests perform cleromancy, i.e. determining God's will in a black and white, binary way. I imagine it would provide feedback as to whether man's interpretation was correct or not. At some point Joseph Smith decides he doesn't want to work only in this rigid way; he produces his own seer stone. The one that looks like a chocolate egg.

By Welden C. Andersen and Richard E. Turley Jr.

The chocolate-colored seer stone was something Joseph Smith had from when he was a young boy and fancied himself as having the powers of ancient Hebrew seers. There's a name for this kind of behavior, it's called Anglo Israelism. In other words, those who are from Northern European descent will believe --against all evidence to the contrary-- that they are literal heirs to the same blessings of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. This includes claims to priesthood power, land possession, and succession. 

The amazing thing is that the chocolate seer stone seemed to work. Joseph Smith produced The Book of Mormon with it. Later, when he comes across Egyptian papyrus, Joseph Smith uses another stone (a white one) to produce The Book of Abraham. We are starting to understand now that the chocolate-colored and white stones were likely not used for historical translations, but rather inspiration to produce scripture that deepens our knowledge of God.  

I have a testimony of The Book of Abraham. By extension, I believe those seer stones worked, not because Joseph Smith has the blood of Ephraim pumping through him, but because God blessed him to use those stones for enlightenment as He did with the Brother of Jared. This ability to act as seer further established Joseph Smith's authority as head of the restored Church. 

And then he was murdered without a succession plan.

It seems unthinkable that after all that effort to restore the Church of Jesus Christ, a framework for how it should continue was not solidified. And yet there it was, a succession crisis lasting 6 months! Thankfully the doctrine of having an established presidency with keys was already in place, but who should combine those keys and take on the mantel of president, prophet, and seer was up for serious debate and produced several factions in that time. 

Ultimately Brigham Young took the reins of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but not since his predecessor do we see presidents of the Church using seer stones to establish doctrine and scripture. And yet we know the Church held on to the seer stone(s) because it was able to produce this item recently for exhibition. 

This is because, I believe, those stones serve as a type of "budded rod." Please allow me to explain.

The "budded rod" is described in the Old Testament as proof that Aaron and his sons should lead the Israelites. The parallel to the latter-day succession crisis is astounding. In both cases each of "The Twelve" believe they are next in line for power and authority. In Numbers 16 we learn that God commands the 12 to lay out their staffs (AKA rods) and return in the morning. The next day Aaron's staff has bloomed and has produced literal fruit (almonds). That secures his place as leader, and the rod's place in the Ark of the Covenant, next to the gold pot of manna, and the 10 Commandments. What was Brigham Young's "budded rod"? I surmise that it was the seer stone, which had produced the fruit of The Book of Mormon and was handed over to him by Oliver Cowdery. 

Brigham Young and his successors would likely deny it. He wanted it known that his authority lie in in his proximity to Joseph Smith AND being a literal descendant of Israel, like so many past presidents of the Church purported to be since. But a few things point against lineage being the actual, literal reason. First, we have modern hindsight to inform us that LDS presidents were mostly Northern European by DNA. Second, Brigham Young held on to the stone despite never using it --to our knowledge-- to produce scripture. Third, this could be coincidental, the box the stone was kept in was adorned with a rose blooming from its bud.

I need to take you a bit deeper into this symbolism if we're going to discuss applications for today. If we think the seer stone is a type of budded rod, then I imagine gold pot of manna is represented in our time by the new and everlasting covenants revealed to us, and the tablets are the scriptures by which we'll be judged. Just like in the days of old, the Ark of the Covenant is the outward representation of a people united and led by God. It also cements the authority of our doctrine. 

The imagery of the gold plates providing mana to our souls today is very beautiful. Let us not forget the plates were not the only things given to Joseph Smith by the angel, Moroni. He also presented the Sword of Laban and the Liahona. I think we tend to take that in as a neat factoid, and evidence that the events recorded in the Book of Mormon really did happen. While they certainly served that purpose, I have come to believe they were emblems of the Church Head and Body. Of Judgement and Mercy. Even of Joseph and Emma. If we combine these elements, it creates a figurative Mercy Seat atop of the Ark. I also interpret them as a warning: Lose your way and you will lose your life. 

Woman as the compass or Liahona is not an original thought I have. The scriptures and temple are teeming with this connection. And while I am more drawn to symbolism than early Church history, I do know that when Joseph Smith introduced polygamy Emma Smith became withdrawn, Joseph was murdered, and Emma --who had been charged to discern truth from error-- ceased to journey with Brigham Young. Since that time it seems the modern Ark of the Covenant went West, separating itself from the Mercy Seat, leaving a space filled with enmity between the men leading this Church and the outspoken women who ask them to redirect. 

Enmity might seem like a strong word, but I don't know how else to describe the response Brigham Young and his successors had after Emma stayed put. The words of the temple were changed so that women no longer received blessing unto God, but their husbands instead. The Relief Society became an auxiliary organization, instead of part of the "kingdom of priests." Further light about Heavenly Mother was stunted or blocked. And much more in the era of Correlation. This is life without a Mercy Seat, if you ask me. 

I wish to emphasize two things here. First, if you've read this far, thank you. Second, the new figurative Ark established Brigham Young as the one who should succeed Joseph Smith, and that authority lives on through our current structure utilizing the laying on of hands. I still can (and do) sustain current Church leaders in their roles because they are legitimately assigned to them. The only insight I have carved out for myself is that this legitimacy isn't rooted in Ephraimite blood, but rather a stone. This view further underscores my interpretation of Church leaders as the "wild branches" in Jacob 5 who are keeping this Gospel alive despite simultaneously bringing it to its knees (e.g. here, here). 

As Church authority lives on hand to head, remember too that Emma has a "lineage" of placing her hands on heads that are keeping up the work of discernment. And it is work. It would be much easier to simply take everything said over the pulpit as God's truth spoken by his Ephraimite messenger, and not challenge the messengers to produce tokens to validate. As Revelation puts it, straddling verses 11:19 & 12:1-2:

19 And the temple of God was opened in heaven, and there was seen in his temple the ^aark of his testament: and there were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great ^bhail.

1 ^aAnd there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a ^bwoman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars:

2 And she being with ^achild cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered.

Pained in delivering this ark, this Church and its proclamations in the latter-days. I don't know about you, but I feel that.  

Polygamy is NOT an Eternal Principle

A few months ago in Relief Society, a sister in my ward casually mentioned that polygamy is an eternal principle. There was no push-back on that, it was just accepted and people moved on.

Except me, of course. I let it simmer in my mind for much longer than I should have.

I eventually reached out to say that while I appreciate the perspective, this conclusion is not official doctrine* and I for one do not believe it, so please be mindful there are differing views in the room. We had a pleasant conversation from there, but the usual tropes came out...

• I was encouraged to read the scriptures and pray on the eternal nature of polygamy.
• I ought to think of the sister who never married. --I wouldn't want to let my jealousy stand in the way of her exaltation, right?

All of this assumes God didn't have the foresight or math skills to get the ratio of righteous men and women right in heaven. It also ignores the fact that many more male infants die in their angelic state than females.

So what do I say in response? First, my typical snarky comeback:

"Okay, well, if you're all cool with polygamy, I'll be sure to volunteer you to share your husband with the billions of women who need him to get into Heaven." Thanks for taking a hit for the team!

(I'm a jerk.)

But in all seriousness, my next favorite line to deliver in this case is:

"Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time. I'm having a ball!"

We should look forward to polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom as much as we would gleefully anticipate sacrificing our sons on altars there, too.

Which is not at all.

Indeed, when referencing polygamy in Doctrine and Covenants  132:50 we read:

Behold, I have seen your sacrifices and will forgive all your sins; I have seen your sacrifices in obedience to that which I have told you. Go, therefore, and I make a way for your escape, as I accepted the offering of Abraham of his son Isaac. (Emphasis added.)

Polygamy hardly seems like a celestial reward when it's likened onto a great trial. Note too that God intends to remove this hardship at some point, though the timing of that is unclear. Many even believe Joseph Smith was able to escape consummating polygamy because for as many wives as he had, we only know of children coming from Emma (modern DNA studies continue to support this).

How then can people say polygamy is eternal? I used to approach this topic from the point of defending my conclusion, but today I've had enough of that. Today I play the offense and ask others how they can still promote an ideology that is not only blatantly false, but just as important hurts so many women!

I could concede a fair counter-argument in favor of polygamy...

If The Creation story featured Adam and Eve and Janet and Cindy. That is to say, if the Male:Female union weren't the standard and ideal from the beginning.  

If LDS polygamy produced more children than would have otherwise been expected of traditional marriage (news flash: It didn't).  

If men routinely outlived women (the opposite is true), allowing them more opportunities to remarry.

And especially if The Book of Mormon didn't deliver a scathing condemnation of polygamy except to allow the case where God tries his people with it (see Jacob Chapter 2, also Genesis 38:9-10). 

Bonded, but not sealed by Krazy Glue

At this point, some might point out that sealings have been performed for multiple women to one man and that this practice still goes on today. That is true, that's not wrong, but it's not entirely correct to understand it that way. One must first realize that the word "sealing" as it is used to describe temple marriage is a misnomer. A "sealing" is not actually a sealing (i.e. enduring) until it is bound by the Holy Spirit of Promise, this is generally understood to take place with a Second Anointing ordinance that includes the Washing of the Feet. When the sealing power was restored to earth and in both Kirtland and Nauvoo, men were married and "sealed" to multiple spouses, but second anointings were reserved (in almost all cases) to the first wife only. This would support the 1:1 male-female union as eternal in nature and anything else as temporary.

Furthermore, Jesus our Exemplar repeatedly showed us that female singularity is key along the path to exaltation. Though obvious, Jesus was born of ONE woman, from a virginal womb. In death, he was laid to rest in a virginal tomb (never used before) and returned into the presence of ONE woman, Mary Magdalene. Similarly, though Abraham had other wives and far-outlived Sarah, when he died he was interred next to his first wife's grave and hers alone (Genesis 25:10). This pattern would be repeated with Emma Hale Smith laid next to Joseph Smith Jr.. These examples give a picture of what the morning of The First Resurrection will look like, and it's not a polygamous model.

Do I point these things out to dig at subsequent wives and single ladies? Do I not care about their eternal destiny? Am I motivated out of jealously to share this viewpoint?

I've taken away nothing. The concluding argument pro-polygamists have always given is not to worry, "everything will work out in the end." That last bit remains true. We both agree that God is love, He is merciful and will take care of everyone in His great plan. The fundamental point where we differ is, I have faith that His plan does not handle women as expendable, dime-a-dozen figures in a play centered on man. Rather, I propose this radical thought that we are of equal worth, and that the singular male-female union is celestial. Worlds without end.


Addendum: I was asked when, if ever, God gives the "green light" to the practice of polygamy. To that I say at most He will give a yellow light, which is to proceed with caution in the following circumstances based on scriptural references:

1. The Law of Sarah is invoked in a permissible season. That is, when a woman requests that her husband take an additional wife and the Prophet approves it. 
2. As in OT times, when a man dies and his brother is legally required to marry his widow for protection and provisions. Today there are men who feel prompted to marry a widow who had been sealed to her first husband in order to "raise up seed" to him.
3. When God decides to try his people? Ugh. But even then I have faith He will provide an escape as mentioned earlier. 

In 2/3 cases, the focus appears to be doing what the woman wants, which I found to be fascinating. And note that the third item can be satisfied by the second scenario described, potentially making this 3/3 pro-woman. 

Also interesting, the Second Chapter of Jacob says polygamy is not to be practiced unless God commands it for "raising up seed." A search of the scriptures reveals that the phrase "raising up seed" by itself is typically used in only two ways: In the general (i.e. not related to polygamy) sense of righteous branches of The Tribes needing to keep their line going, and the more applicable Old Testament setup of brother-in-law duty to widows mentioned above. (We're thankfully past that now.)

As for the prophecy that one day 7 women will grab a hold of 1 man and ask to be called by his name (see Isaiah 4:1), I think it's possible that as the elders flake out on us there will be many righteous single women in the last days who will yearn to have their temple ordinances complete and request good men to stand as proxies for their would-be-husbands. I'm not fretting about this for two reasons: 1) Again, a sealing is not a sealing until it is bound (i.e. things will get sorted out later) and 2) I've already volunteered my RS sister's husband to take care of all that. :)

*Ironically, Bruce R. McConkie in his book Mormon Doctrine (which is not actually Church sanctioned) says that polygamy is forever... But he also said blacks would never get the priesthood, so miss with me that. 

That Time I Said the Word 'Ovaries' from the Pulpit

This is a talk I gave at church that manages to merge charity and gender equality, in the Sabbath setting:

Good morning brothers and sisters,

I was initially assigned to speak on Moses 1:39, which reads: “For behold, this is my work and my glory—to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” This verse quotes God as He reveals Himself to Moses, who is transfigured to withstand His presence. And that is what I wrote my talk on before I realized I would be out of town the weekend for which I had been scheduled to speak. I asked if I could be switched to this Sunday and obviously that worked out, but I was then told I should try to fold in today’s theme of the Sabbath. It was back to the drawing board: Moses 1:39 and the Sabbath day, how do I combine the two? I wasn’t sure I could do it until I had pondered much, took it to prayer, and reflected on recent experiences I’d had.

I returned to Moses 1:39 with new eyes. What stood out to me about it was that God’s greatest work centered on the individual. The life of Christ on earth echoes this fact. On the Sabbath day, we read in Matthew Chapter 12 that Christ went about teaching in the synagogue –lessons that I’m sure were tailored to his audience– and healed the sick one by one. We know that we are to follow this example and, that each of us is here today, is proof that we’re trying.

So today I’d like to speak to you about consecrating your Sabbath day for 1) an improved Church experience, 2) that we might heal the sick, and 3) reclaim individual worth.

Before I go any further, I want to make sure to define some terms starting with Immortality and Eternal Life. Immortality is a free gift given to every mortal born on earth. When Christ died and was resurrected, this is what He gave all of us. Eternal life is perfection in Jesus, which allows us to live with God again. The Sabbath, as I’m sure you know, is a day given to mankind to commemorate the day of rest at the Creation, put away our cares of the world, and focus on God.

Now let me take you through a day in the life of the Sabbath as it focuses on progressing towards eternal life:

1) IMPROVED CHURCH EXPERIENCE

It’s Sunday morning and you’d like to sleep in, but you know you have church to attend. Isn’t this supposed to be a day of rest? Funny enough, in that same chapter (Matthew 12), even Christ “walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth NONE (emphasis added).” As you can see, we’re in good company.

So you get yourself together, and any other members of your household, read your scriptures, and come here hoping to make it on time for the sacrament. What better opportunity during the week to focus on Moses 1:39? To remember that He suffered, bled, and died for us that we might return to live with our Father in Heaven. This is also a time to remember what we’ve covenanted, OR what we promise TO COVENANT, at this stage in our lives. Baptism brings with it a charge to bear each other’s burdens, mourn with those who mourn,  and comfort others that we may be filled with the Holy Ghost and obtain that great glory, eternal life. We should reflect on these promises during the sacrament, and carry those thoughts with us to Sunday school.

Now we’re in the second hour of church, the classroom setting. The Bible provides several examples of Christ’s exemplary teaching, which pulls from parables and relies on the Spirit to deliver His message. There are also great examples of the disciples asking good, earnest questions. Then there are the Pharisees. Why do we read so much about them and what they do on the Sabbath day? I believe they provide cautionary tales of how NOT to spend your Sundays, of how one might frustrate God’s work on the earth.  This is worth exploring.

Starting with some background: The Pharisees are a subset of the Jews, or covenant people, during Christ’s time on earth. They pride themselves on their knowledge of the scriptures, tout their lineage, and love the letter the law. They were also xenophobic, not willing to have contact with non-Jews. --Which was, of course, a tricky matter as Roman rule had arrived.  On Sundays, I like to play Bible Videos for my children and in them the Pharisees are typically portrayed as large, prominent, and menacing men who would love nothing more than to trap the Savior in a contradiction to His authority. While my heart goes out to Jesus for having to put up with that, reflecting on Moses 1:39 I am reminded that the work of God WILL roll forth to all lands and all people regardless of what the Pharisees try and do. This makes them look pathetic. Taken in context, I see that their world is changing, power is shifting, and even the scriptures foretell their eventual fall from grace. I can see they’re scared. They’re afraid of the son of a carpenter, a young man, born in a stable to a migrant family. That says a lot. For it appears their words and actions are reactionary (key point: reactionary). And THAT is a trap we ourselves must avoid.

So how do we prevent being as the Pharisees at church? How do we check our insecurities, our hang-ups, at the door that we might cultivate goodness? Ever since President Uchtdorf gave his now popular talk, ‘The Merciful Obtain Mercy,’ otherwise known as the ‘STOP IT’ talk, I’ve given much thought to this. If we are to sustain God’s work and glory, which yearns to bring ALL of us home to heaven, then as President Uchtdorf states: “We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgmental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children.” It’s really that simple. In my own case, I’ve found if I think to comment on something in class and it requires a comparison –ANY COMPARISON– it’s going to fall flat, it’s going to shoo away the Spirit. So yes, I’m trying to stop that.

2) HEALING THE SICK

This is a matter near to my heart. Today, as in all times, there are many who are afflicted physically, emotionally, and spiritually including among us.

With respect to spiritual suffering, how do we begin to heal those wounds? This question perhaps brings us to that time between classes or right after the third hour when we’re mingling with people in the hallway. What can we do during such times to alleviate spiritual suffering? Let me warn you that one way NOT to behave is what I’ve observed to be a “Hunger Games” approach to the Gospel. Mind you, I have not seen an episode of this show, but from what I gather it has to do with survival of the fittest, last man standing wins… Let me be clear, caring only about yourself in your journey towards eternal life while others lie wounded along the road is a sure way to bring down God’s contempt. And we know this, because that’s what, in effect, the tale of the Good Samaritan is about. What’s telling is that in that story, it’s a Levite who’s down and his fellow church members pass him by. It takes a Samaritan, one of the “undesirables” in society, to extend charity, or the love of Christ. Returning to Moses 1:39, if God’s greatest work and glory is our immortality and eternal life, then I suspect standing by idle as one falls away is the opposite of that. What Christ wants, what He demands of us, is that we do NOT dismiss those who are struggling. President Uchtdorf again spoke about this in the October 2013 conference:

“One might ask, ‘If the gospel is so wonderful, why would anyone leave?’ Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or sinful. Actually, it is not that simple. In fact, there is not just one reason that applies to the variety of situations. Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church.”

Let us not be the one to add to that struggle! If you see someone having a hard time, may I suggest telling them you’re glad they came or if you noticed their spouse hasn’t been to church in some time, tell them they’re missed and ask if it’s okay to pay a friendly visit. Do something, and do it with genuine love.

3) INDIVIDUAL WORTH

Now you’re home, you’re trying to teach your children the Gospel or perhaps this is part of your calling. I didn’t grow up in the Church so I rely heavily on others’ examples as to how to do this.

Someone I love and respect has a ten year old daughter, another teenage daughter, and two sons, so from time to time I’ll request her seasoned advice in this area. As I was asking her about how best to teach our children she told me about her challenges regarding the 10 year old. She said that with her sons, the curriculum is clear. Teach them about the offices of the priesthood and their responsibility in them. With her youngest daughter, however, she was struggling to give her personalized lessons. On one Sunday this sweet child commented that someone had told her she was “needed” at church, but she didn’t understand why because she’s “just a girl.” This statement floored her mother, for here was a girl with no hidden agenda, she wasn’t suing for power, and her comment was anything but prideful. It gave her pause and it did the same for me.

After further investigation it was discovered that this 10 year old girl had received the impression, possibly from her older sister, that the so-called individualized lessons she could look forward to would be ones that happen to hinge upon sexual maturation. --Namely marriage, reproduction, and the covering up of “her lady parts.” And while there are lessons to be had there, no one wants to feel like her value depends on her ovaries. So to avoid this happening to my own daughter, I’m working on two specific things: The first is, I ask myself if what I’m teaching is in proportion to how much it is emphasized in the Book of Mormon, which was truly written for our time. Second, I pull from a unique experience I had when I was living in the city. A church member there (in Chicago) had Turner’s Syndrome, which is a congenital condition caused by having only ONE X-chromosome. (That’s it.) Not XX (standard female). Not XY (male).  Just X ZERO. Interestingly, it was from this person (for whom puberty did not apply) that I learned what God’s love for the individual woman is focused on. Being different, she used her Sabbath days to build a ministry of caring for the ones who felt like they didn’t fit in.  She still had the divine feminine powers of discerning where there was a need for charity and acting on it. Like a mother hen, she took people under her wings. THAT is something I can teach my daughter, teach my children, when we have our precious time together on the Sabbath. Taking it back to Jesus will always reclaim individual worth.

It then appears that the answer at the end of the Sabbath day is the same as it was at the beginning: The worth of souls is great in the sight of God, even the individual person for whom God sacrificed that we all might have immortality and eternal life.

Your Mother's Survival Guide for Church Membership

As a convert to the Church, I feel the weight of responsibility for how my descendants will come to know God. While I continue to maintain this is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and it contains within it the necessary ordinances of salvation with proper priesthood authority, there are briers, thistles, and thorns of human error and cultural norms that make the journey towards those blessings painful. To my children and their children and so on, I offer my guide to surviving Mormonism should they choose to proceed of their own free will and choice:

Give strict heed to true messages from God. This is not the same as blind obedience:

Today I've been catching up on General Conference. Some people look forward to hearing these talks, ready to accept anything they hear from the pulpit. But why is it that we're encouraged to search, ponder and pray first? Because what should actually happen is we receive a token of remembrance, a ringing true in our mind that what we're hearing is correct. After that, we must exercise faith (even a small particle) and confirmation (or sign) will be given to us. Then shall we know these are true messages from God. There is a checks and balances setup here because the leaders of the Church are human like you and me, and humans are not perfect (#ponderize).

When confronted with sanctioned gender inequality there are two possibilities here:

1. Accept this setup as divinely inspired only after confirmation by the Spirit AND realize it must be temporal in nature AND acknowledge that it is a trial meant to be endured, not enjoyed.
   or
2. Recognize this is the result of men's philosophies mingled with scripture. 

In both of these cases, you will need to fall back on the simple truths of the Gospel, which teach us that Christ suffered and died for us individually as equals. It also helps to surround yourself by like-minded individuals who will sustain you in this endeavor.

Beware the following commonly used phrases, which serve as pitfalls to mercy and have little or no foundation in the scriptures:

• "Self-Reliance"
• "Hey, we ALL have trials."
• "Happiness is a choice"
• "You must choose not to be offended"

I've talked about self-reliance before, and previously explained why comparisons of suffering help no one.

Is he just not trying hard enough to smile?

While it's true that in order to become happy one must actively find joy in his/her present circumstance, there are enough people experiencing acute, exquisite pain for whom hearing this little factoid would not be helpful nor presently applicable. 

Modern-day members would have told Jesus he was choosing to be offended right here

The oft quoted, "It's a choice whether to be offended" is also problematic. Dr. Julie Hanks does a great job of discussing that here. I would like to point out that this phrase frequently has anti-feminist undertones and is used to paint women as hysterical when they voice their concerns. In other instances it discourages members from speaking up about injustices. Like the "happiness is a choice" barb, there is underlying truth to this principle: We are ultimately responsible for what we do with our feelings, but this is not how this phrase is being used most of the time.

You come from community activists. Keep up the good fight. 

Modern Latter-day saints are all about following the rules, working within the hierarchy, and being subject to those with power. I see the value in this, I really do. But protests and civil disobedience for righteous causes have their many examples in the Book of Mormon, too. Know that this departed soul would look down with glee to see her descendants standing up for what is right. To do this the correct way, seek inspiration and humility and all will be well.

Tertiary service has its place, but don't forget to get face-to-face with your brothers and sisters. 

Mormons love to get together and put things in boxes and ship them off to needy people. That's great. That's wonderful, but that doesn't replace primary interactions where you literally clothe the naked, visit the prisoner, and mourn with those who mourn. --Yes, even and especially those not of our faith.

For crying out loud, the GOP is not the Lord's party. Neither is the Democratic one. Nor  Libertarian and so on. 

Be true to yourself and pick the best candidate based on your own thoughts, morals, and objectives.

People will think they are literally God's gift to earth because they are white, from Utah, and from pioneer stock. They will try to use scriptures to support this. 

Run! RUN! Get away from these people. You know my preference: Stay out of the Mountain West and attend a nice liberal arts school away from this craziness. :)

"This is for the people of the sun."

This Church, at least as it stands today, can be rough on minorities. I can't tell you how sorry I feel for bringing upon my descendants the inevitable struggle and soul-searching that will take place when they hear terms like "white and delightsome." Here's some consolation for my Latino kids:

1. For starters, we know that the Lamanites will blossom as the rose. As I type this, I've recently learned that 3 out of 4 newly announced temples will be built in Latin America. 
2. In the Book of Mormon, Church members are warned that if they continue in their evil ways "a remnant of the seed of Jacob shall go forth among [them] as a lion, and tear [them] in pieces, and there is none to deliver." That's us, guys. We're the lion.
   This warning is given again to the Gentiles here.
3. As if that weren't enough, members of the church are told their idolatry and enmity towards our people will eventually cause them to "bow down to thee with their face towards the earth, and lick up the dust of [our] feet."

So who's delightsome now?

Last words:
This post will continue to grow overtime, I'm sure, so I'm going to stop here for now and come back to this. Tonight I bury this record in the interwebs for my children, and their children, and their children's children and so on. And I know it is of great worth because this is the only way Mama knows how to get through Sunday.